LGBT-Inspired Cruelty

I had the most bizarre experience recently: I was decried -- in writing (2 typed pages, on paper, sent in the mail!) -- for supporting gay people and gay causes. So, I did something that surprised even me: I called my dear writer friend to let him know about what to me is very important and worthy work. Needless to say, he was surprised to hear from me. And, about 3 minutes into a 20-minute conversation he was thoroughly ashamed of himself (rightly, duh) and began a series of apologies. This was followed up by a 2-page letter (typed, on paper, sent in the mail -- good grief, what year is this?) apologizing and explaining his satisfaction at my explanation.

But what hurts most of all, I suppose, was the sense of him wanting me to unfriend real friends. This isn't Facebook we're talking about where you just click a few clicks and -- voila! -- the person is dead to you. These are real friends. People who matter to me. People I love and want to be worthy of using that strong word, "Friend!"

But his letter hurt me badly. And it still does. I suppose anytime someone hugs you as a supposed friend and stabs you in the back at the same time -- well, do you agree there might be something painful and wrong with that?

I think I would have gotten over that one actually if, within a matter of only a few days, I hadn't received another missive -- from another hater! This one much more brief, much more distilled, much darker and more soul destroying. It sent me reeling. And, even as I write, I feel my innards quivering and a layer of fear coming over me again -- weeks later -- simply at the recollection.

I've felt vulnerable and afraid; I've felt isolated and alone; I've felt like a target; I've felt rejected and sneered at; I've been slapped and spanked (figuratively); I've been castigated and humiliated...all courtesy of "good Christians." Want to know what hurts most of all in my experience? That!

Here's my daily challenge, my daily choice: The life of love. And not just because I'm supposed to but because I can't even help it considering how good and kind God has been to me -- something like this: "Follow God’s example...and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us..." (Ephesians 5:1-2 NIV) If I were God, I'm not sure I would love me knowing what my life is and has been! But he does. And he's asked me to share that with others. So I try!

My pledge: I'm going to press on, no matter what I receive in return for my efforts -- support, encouragement, smiles, gladness...or slaps, sneers, letters of I-don't-care-how-many-pages, hate...your response/their response to my life service isn't my responsibility, my faithfulness is! And I want to be faithful. Seriously, I do!

I know that trying to be a catalyst for positive change is daring work. But these well-known words give appropriate guidance (whoever wrote them!):

     Là où il y a de la haine, que je mette l'amour...)

     (Where there is hatred, let me sow love...)

A "Job's friend" recently tried to help by reminding me: "They're 'just' words."

There's no such thing as "just" words! It takes but a few seconds and a few words to inspire joy and pain, laughter and tear, smiles and frowns. Words are powerful. And words are easily underestimated and undervalued. They're very easily wasted. I've used plenty; I've been given plenty! They stick. They inspire. They scar. But we seldom know their full impact...I know I don't! (But, because I'm someone who doesn't always consider my part in a conversation as carefully as I should, I've stopped short as I write to ponder my own stewardship of words...)

I'm not sure I'm getting anywhere today! I'm writing to cathart more than anything, I suppose. But I sure don't feel better. So I failed at that. But I don't ever want to fail at what matters more: Pressing on. Staying faithful. Loving well. Doing it the way Jesus did it. Never forgetting what his pressing on, faithfulness, life of love cost him...so...

I'll keep on trying! And I'll believe that someone who comes across my sad little story will either be helped or will help me by whispering a prayer for strength and courage!

Much love to YOU...today, tomorrow, and always...Steve :-) xo

Amazing LGBT Moments

I love unexpected conversations that lead to a solid dose of health, healing, and wholeness. Just had one, and it feels good. It began with a Mom timorously asking how I thought gay people became gay. My take is that it's called birth!  It's simply part of who you are. This Mom suddenly breathed easy. She knew the conversation could have gone any which way. But, because we had shared a first unexpected laugh and smile together at a lunch event, she dared to trust me. Her son is gay. And she feels alone. She doesn't have people to easily talk to about what it means to her and how she worries for her son. We shared heart-to-heart and both went away loving and caring about each other. It was a beautiful experience.

Trust is an amazing gift. And a gift that's easily abused and broken.

I had a very different conversation with someone else recently. She's a hater. She likes to sneer at people. I couldn't tell you what she is "for," but I sure know what she's against: LGBT+ people. There wasn't an ounce of grace in anything she said -- only condemnation and belittling. She knows what she knows: that gay people are condemned and hopeless unless they choose to live the way she's decided they should live.

I want to be trustworthy. And sometimes that means not hiding from the haters. Not remaining silent. Not giving an air of it being OK to hate. Not walking away without answering. Even if sometimes it feels like an empty attempt at bringing sense to the lives of truly senseless people. Even if I end up looking like a fool to the hater and his/her fellow haters. Even if it costs me my comfort and reputation.

Have you ever met a Christian bully? Talk about a destructive force! They should be considered dangerous and treated accordingly -- with great care and concern. They should be watched. They should be held to account. And they should be prevented in any way possible from having anything to do with vulnerable people.

It helps to weigh things up like this: If they spoke or acted like that if they were 5 years old, would they end up on the naughty step? If the answer is Yes, then get them there (whatever the adult version of the naughty step is!) -- and quickly! Don't let the haters get away with it. Don't just let it go. Promise to stand up and be counted! (Trust me, I know how painful that can be -- and it's totally worth it!)

I dream of a world where needing to protect my gay friends is a silly notion of the past. I dream of a time when people love people for who they are, without spending time telling them what's wrong with them or who they should be. I dream of a world of inclusive love. I want to help get us there!

You, too? :-) xo

Is it safe to come out yet?

This is how it unfolded: Two female colleagues having a prolonged debate -- with me standing by confused why they wanted to speak to me but then wouldn't!

-- "Tell him!"
-- "I can't..."
-- "Yes, you can! Tell him!"

She eventually turned to face me. And it took another 20 minutes to splutter and hem and haw without ever actually telling me she's gay. But she said what needed to be said in order to open that window, and we understood. It was enough. And I found it immensely humbling. The three of us were moved by the simplicity of acceptance.

The same thing happened this time that seems to happen every time: tears. But these are the best kind of tears -- tears of joy! And lots of hugs and laughter that naturally come with such a huge sense of relief. I hate that the surprise of acceptance has to be part of these "coming out" conversations, but they are -- every time.

Every time someone comes out to me, I consider the place to be sacred ground. They're marking moments of trust that are impossible to take for granted. That kind of trust has to be dared. That kind of trust has to be earned. I'm desperate to be the kind of man who is "safe" for that kind of deep, sincere, real honesty from anyone!

It's not safe for too many people. We know that because stories of discarded friends and family members are still told. We know that because people still picket Pride events -- shouting hate, holding posters of condemnation. We know that because homelessness for LGBT-related reasons still happens -- in inordinately large numbers. I know that because all my gay friends tell stories of the hurt and rejection they've felt and experienced through the years from family, friends, clergy, strangers...

We all want to be loved -- I know I do! But it's such a fragile thing to be confident about. Do you love "me" or my labels or who you think I am or who you want me to be...? Our deep internal pleading is simply to be loved for who we are. These horrible questions so easily come to mind:

-- Would they still love me if they knew that...?
-- Will they still care if I...?
-- Will they pull me close and tight or shove me away if I...?

Oh, the sadness of the conversation that goes in the wrong direction -- as it so often does. Oh, the joy, love, and laughter when the conversation goes in the right direction -- as it should every time!

Is it safe to come out yet? I hope the answer where I'm concerned will always be an easy, painless "Yes!" I want to be a place of "sanctuary" for those who need to bare their soul and self. I want everyone to get to be who they are -- really.

To everyone who has entrusted your truth to my tender care: Thank you for an immensely beautiful gift! I'm honored and humbled...and I love you! Steve :-) xo

LGBT Answers

Every generation seems to have someone -- a group of people -- that it looks down on most oppressively -- based on gender, religion, color/race, passport/green card (or lack of), marital status, language, sexuality, income (or lack of)...and so here's this generation of humankind! And the focal point of too much aggression seems to be our neighbors -- our brothers and sisters of the LGBT community. Yes, in this modern age -- in the year 2014. Still.

This truth is all too alive and well: Some people really do hate the LGBT community and their allies. I keep wanting to believe I'm wrong, that I'm overacting, that things are improving enough to give me hope. But then some people open their mouths, and hate is proved. I found that out again recently doing a scan for a radio station on a long drive, in an area I'd never been. A phrase or something pricked my ears, so I stopped the search and listened. Carefully. Eyes bulging, wide open. And I've never screamed, yelled, hollered, or been more disgusted about a radio station in all my life!

The sad aspect: It was a "Christian" radio station.

The venom and meanness they spouted was unbelievable -- directed entirely at the gay community. The self-satisfaction and self-righteousness they expressed were despicable -- with giggling, laughter, and coarse joking. (I'm too disgusted to give some of the words and phrases they used.) I don't like to judge people too harshly, but really, it all came across as exceedingly hateful. They spoke as if an army stood against an army -- about the dangers of the LGBT agenda and, worst of all, that the "supposed" pain and abuse that gay people have endure is all made up and unfounded!

But I know a lot of gay people. And the truth is, every single one of them has been hurt and harmed by basic human unkindness along the way -- for being who they are. They've been treated unfairly. They've endured all kinds of rejection and pain. The stories are told; the stories need to be heard. To tell someone that their pain is unreal or unfounded is piling cruelty on top of hate! I was ashamed of what I heard. Christian radio?!

How do you answers haters? (In this instance not possible.) What do you say when someone says so plainly, "I hate gay people." (Don't tell me they don't because I've heard them!) Here are a few first possibilities I might use after returning my dropped-to-the-floor jaw to its rightful place (a few ironic ones, a few potent ones):

-- Why?! (Using as shrill and judgmental a voice as I can muster!)

-- Well, that's stupid... (Using sneering and snideness as side dishes.)

-- Do you actually know any gay people? (Looking down my nose...)

-- Ha! You're joking right?! (I'm practicing my incredulous face as I type.)

-- Do you even know what year this is?! (Reminding them that we're living post-1940.)

-- I thought you said you were a Christian?! (Can you picture my confused face?)

-- What are you afraid of? What gives you the right to judge? Who taught you to hate? Were your parents a failure in any other important area of your life development? I'm sorry you're living such a bland life! There...now I'm getting warmed up!

But self-righteous, uncaring, unkind haters don't really want a conversation, do they...

I love my gay friends. I'd do anything to shield them from unnecessary and unwarranted harm (any harm, actually; but you know what I mean). I really care about the plight of the LGBT community and the injustices they face routinely -- even daily. My heart aches for friends who really ache. I cry for people who hurt. I'm protective of people who are vulnerable to abuses and bullying...and I don't ever want to lose my tenderness! I cry most of all when I know there are LGBT people crying alone, in pain, and when called-to-love Christians delight in their suffering. They think it's deserved. That is confusing given the biblical call to love... 

So, radio microphone people and those who nod at their venomous words: Leave my friends alone! If you can't live or love like Jesus, then stop using his name. You're living the ugliness of Titus 1:16 and don't seem to realize it: "They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him..."

To any/all gay people suffering at the hands and voices of "Christian" people, please know: "Hateful Christian" IS an oxymoron...so please feel free to use Titus 1:16 against them (oops, I mean to help them!)...with my blessing! :-) I love you...Steve xo

[Get used to reading/hearing that verse from me...I love it! Like a cream pie in the face of that ilk!]

Respite from the LGBT tussle

I've been in hiding. The battle got to be too strong for me. And I knew that if I wanted to be in this for the long-haul (which I do!), I'd have to pull back for a while, learn some lessons about the stewardship of my mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, then get back to work!

So, here I am.

My work? To speak, live, and love where love isn't found. To fight for those who are being bullied. To speak a word of justice where injustice is found. To decry the wrongs all around me. To take the beating for others who simply don't deserve it. I want to be a protector of people.

But all those things -- my big-dream aspirations -- are costly. They sap my energies and resources. And I need to have something to share in order to share!

And I was running on "empty" for too long and paid the price.


-- My feelings had been hurt.
-- My heart had become raw with ache.
-- I was exhausted from too many word battles.
-- The days were becoming darker than I could endure...
-- And the nights were becoming long and lonely.

My battle/my work/my purpose is to stand between. To hold hands with my LGBT sisters and brothers on one side and my LGBT-hating brothers and sisters (too often represented by "the church") on the other side and draw them together. To call them to speak and listen, to love and forgive, to help and heal, to wait and hope. To be a buffer to protect either "side" from the harm each side wanted to inflict. (Too much!)

We live in a fractured and fractious world. And I think people are tired of fighting over something that isn't a battle. They should be tired! Shouting and hating and anger and belligerence are exhausting...

I still believe -- no, that's wrong: I believe more than ever! -- that the onus is solidly on "the church" to knock it off! It's time for the church to be the church. To accept what the bible really has to say about how we live and love. To take Jesus' example as a man who lived to bring about real justice and to fight against expressions of real injustice. And to dare to speak words of love and to live a life of love -- though hard to do.

Looking into the eyes of too many gay friends, and listening to their pain-infused stories, reminds me that I have to do my part. We all do!

I have to be well to be useful. And I'm well. I'm ready. I'm on the job! And my focus on what I know to be right is going to be redoubled. But this time I'll use better sense about being strong and staying strong! I'll let my friends be my friends. I'll tell the truth about how hard it is sometimes to feel alone and lonely in what I want to do and be. And I'll remember that I'm not alone! We're in this thing together...right?

Love ya! :-) Steve xo

LGBT Encouragement

Do you have a favorite word? I do! It's "encourage." It reminds me that I have the power to "Give Courage" to the people in my life. As do the people in mine!

But my daily life is full to overflowing with dis-couragers. Robbers of courage. Robbers of strength. Robbers of joy.

Which are you? Encourager or Discourager?

I fret over and fear the Christian discouragers more than any others these days. The obvious lesson that "A Christians who hates isn't a Christian at all" doesn't seem to be believed across the board!

I think the ultimate slap-on-the-face for Christians who dabble in hate is Titus 1:16-17 -- "They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good." 'Cause if you're one of them, you oughta prove it in the way you live! Unlike a clerk typist who can't type, or a violin player who doesn't play violin, or an Olympic skater who can't skate. Love is what a Christian is and does best!

If there's one thing Christians oughta be amazing at, it's loving. Everyone!

I'm happy that a lot of my gay friends understand the Christian requirement (not least of all because so many of my gay friends are themselves Christians!) and don't panic about Christian hate. They know who's living right and who isn't. But some of my LGBT friends really do feel the pain of Christians -- and more darkly "the church" -- being purposefully against them. They know there's hate, anger, disgust -- because it's directed right at them!

Love your enemy...
Love your neighbor...
Love one another...
Love sincerely...
Love.

The central gospel, the heart of the bible? I'm surprised at those who overlook or ignore the broad, whole-bible themes yet take up hateful causes based on bits-and-piecesof the bible. Weird, huh?

I honestly don't care how deeply ignorant I am of theological nuances and micromatters as long as I get the first things right that Jesus says I ought to get right: love God, and love YOU! :-)  (Just wish some people weren't quite so hard to love...lol.)

Anyhoo, thanks for giving me the courage to press on in my quest to be the ultimate lover of people...everyone...everywhere...including you. Be an encourager -- that's a worthy use of a life!

Love Steve xo

Overcoming LGBT Ignorance

I am amazed at the ignorance that I read and hear from the most surprising sources -- especially Christian friends who really oughta know better. Every day Twitter and Facebook are full to overflowing with exceptional examples. Actually, not just ignorance -- but arrogance, mannerlessness, and basic, home-grown stupidity -- not forgetting plenty of hate. BUT -- and I think this will surprise you! -- I'm relieved, even glad, when I hear or read these wretched things because there is nothing more toxic or more dangerous than hidden or whispered hate. When "it" comes out into the open, then we can do something about it.

But where can someone go to safely say ignorant things, think about them, regret them, change, grow, and move on? Or are we destined to keep people stuck in their ignorance?

I'm sure grateful that I have people in my life who help me. I have friends I can talk to. I have my local LGBT community center where people listen and help me understand. I have opportunities to interact with a huge variety of people -- helpfully, not hurtfully. I'm sincerely grateful for the people in my life who hold me to account for what I believe, as well as how I act on what I believe. The people who love me best also expect the most from me -- they believe in my highest and best self and expect me to live it out in every way! I want to...I really do! But not everyone has what I have, and I'm sorry about that.

Too often neither side of a topic of fury is the least bit interested in chit-chatting about their differences. Certainly not interested in quietly and respectfully listening to the offending party! They're not interested in unity and understanding. They're interested in being right, being heard, being smug. Completely unappealing; completely unhelpful, too. I want to be something different, something better; I want to accomplish something helpful.

I am so grateful for those miracle moments when quiet voices of reason break through -- when, somehow, the gentle, wise voices -- often quiet whispers -- become the focal point for right and good. When the hateful folks described in the first paragraph are left raw, knowing that the harmfulness of their ways has been laid bare for all to see and decry. Oh, if only we'd allow the haters to safely face themselves in the mirror! We have to believe that change is possible -- I do! Though it's hard sometimes...

Right will win. Right is winning. But does it have to happen so slowly? We are not -- as a country, or more broadly as the global family of humanity -- evolving far enough or fast enough for my liking! But we know that change that will last sometimes has to come slowly to be realized fully. Patience really isn't theoretical -- it's potently needed in the hard conversations. We can't let up. We can't give up. We can't slow up. We can't shut up. (But we can lower the tone and volume!) But if we want the world to be what it can and should be -- for everyone -- we have to be patient with people who don't know better -- yet -- for whatever reason. And we have to allow for space to be open, honest, ignorant -- if change is really our goal.

So, what am I gonna do about all this ranting of mine? What are you going to do in the midst of incendiary arguments? Let's go for it -- patience, kindness, grace -- these will win! Let's win together...Steve :-) xo

LGBT wisdom from Winnie the Pooh and friends

As we all know, Winnie the Pooh and his friends are all very wise. Here's just one excellent proof from dear Piglet -- “The things that make me different are the things that make me, Me."

Sadly for me, the things that make me different very often make people dislike me -- even before they know me! They also sometimes make me feel badly about myself. The truth is, there are lots of times in my life when I don't want to be me! My recurring comment to those who joke about me to my face is, "If you think it's hard being with me, try being me!" After all, I'm all I've got, and I'm stuck with me!

How do we learn that being different is bad? What are the nuances of growing up that make us think being homogeneous is better than being uniquely you and me? And why do those old, crushing voices echo so loudly through the years? Oh, the power of the human psyche! Ugh.

It shouldn't be so hard to be who you are! Here are the things that help make me uniquely me and that so often get me into trouble!

...I'm loudly extroverted.
...I hug everyone.
...I laugh and smile a lot. (That really freaks people out for some reason!)
...I love everyone. (Especially if everyone else hates them or gives up on them.)
...I don't care about sports teams of any kind, but I do like playing sports.
...Gray is my favorite color. (Really! Don't judge me! Lol...)
...I prefer a roomful of strangers to a roomful of friends.
...I'll talk to anyone.
...It's nearly impossible for me to hide my feelings.
...I only have highs and lows.
...My external and internal selves don't always jive.
...I cry easily. (I'm a tender feller!)
...I doubt everyone's love for me.
...I play the piano to cathart.

I wish I was (subjunctive/"were" felt too prissy) quiet and gentle, slow and steady, solid and sure. But I'm not; it's just not who I am. I'm trying to temper the me in me as I get older. But sometimes it's fake; that's not me. And I don't want to fight any more. I want to be a good me, but man that's hard work! Seems to me it shouldn't be so hard to be who I am!

And for so many of my gay friends and colleagues, trying just to be who they are can be so much harder because of the overt hate of too, too many people. (Yes, I know that's ridiculous in 2014! Just a sad reality, huh.)

I was at a gathering of some amazing folks the other evening at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center talking about the exciting future for that vital unifying place. And, as I looked around the room, I found it absolutely thrilling to see the marvelous variety of men and women! It was one of those rare places and experiences where diversity wasn't the least bit "tolerated" -- it was prized! It's a place where you being you -- or trying to be you though in the face of harsh and cruel pressures of the hating world -- is considered a beautiful gift! There was love and laughter, heart sharing and tenderness, challenge and daring thinking in a way that I have seldom known elsewhere. It's a place where you don't have to be afraid.

The LGBT conundrum, from the perspective of my little corner of the world, is finding out where, when, and how to be real. It's overcoming the ache and fear that comes from being wonderfully unique and being treated badly for it. It's knowing who you are and people wanting you not to be you. It's being lovable and good and hopeful like anyone else but being given double and triple challenges just to be accepted. Yeah, I know we've made progress and we're making progress right now -- but as long as any LGBT man, woman, boy, or girl has to hang their head, hoping, wondering where they're safe and how they'll make it through today, we've got work to do! Big work -- and lots of it! Are you someone who helps or harms the cause?

I have places to go for safety and refuge -- where I can be the real me. I hope you do, too!

Love and hugs, Steve :-) xo

p.s. "If everybody were like everybody else, how boring it would be." -- A helpful reminder from our dreary friend, Eeyore

Empathy is best applied in silence...

If you want to get into the hearts of people, you have to use the right tools! I'm finally learning (ridiculously late in life!) that some of the obvious ones are still the best ones, like silence, gentle replies, shared laughter, and shared tears.

The two main reasons why we don't get very far with people who hate or disagree or argue? No one wants to listen, but everyone wants to be heard! If it weren't rude, I'd tell everyone to shut up and don't speak again until you can hold a conversation that allows for both speaking AND listening! And, if words are absolutely required, how about using some gentle ones?

Anjelica Huston says it perfectly (though with wrong intentions) to her daughter in the film "Ever After":

"...don't speak unless you can improve the silence."

I've come face to face with myself recently and have learned to my shame that my extroversion really has to be held in check more, and I need to practice the proposed art of shutting up! As a man who wants to love and lift people's spirits, I mean that sincerely! More often than not, words really aren't even necessary when trying to love someone. A sense of empathy, shared tears or laughter more than meet the need. Empathy is best applied in silence.

And, when words do become necessary, gentle ones sure seem to work much more effectively than angry ones -- especially when disagreement is part of the conversation. Some of the old wisdom never fails to help:

"...a gentle word can get through to the hard-headed."

I'm trying some experiments with that theory -- which requires some intentionality on my part. And because it's a person on the other side of the sharing, I know the effort is always worth it. I'm going to try to lower my voice, slow down, speak more quietly, and make sure the intentions behind this effort are completely sincere.

And if silence or gentle words don't build the hoped-for bridge between people, there's always laughter!

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." -- Mark Twain

I have laughed with people who hate me more than ever in the last few months. And it's an amazing catharsis; it changes everything in the relationship. It feels good. It's healing. Laughter helps create a safer environment for discussing our differences with less venom and a comfortable space for comparing the parallels of our lives with a lot more pleasure. Every time. I'll be a clown or buffoon because I know that laughter can help sledgehammer walls that divide as much as -- perhaps even more than! -- anything else ever could! And with a lot less grief...

And finally, when hearts open, and we get to really love one another for who we are, then sometimes even tears are welcome! Tears of empathy and love and shared pain -- or tears of shared joy and laughter! Oh, those times the tears have come, and I'm willing to be vulnerable to another person, those are sacred moments that change the world -- because they change me!

I want desperately to be a catalyst for positive change wherever I go, with whoever I meet, especially where hate and hurt are so strong. So, I pledge all the best I have to offer -- silence, gentle words, laughter, and tears -- and anything else that will help love to reign!

Let me know what you think...I'll be listening! :-) Steve xo

LGBT: Fragile! Please handle with care...

Most folks have put the Christmas baubles away for the season, but would you mind picturing one of those old-fashioned, round, and very fragile glass balls? That's the perfect picture of how we should treat the people in our lives: very gingerly placed into our hands to tend, love, and care for. And yet, some folks smash people to pieces as though of little more value than a simple, glass bauble! Heartbreaking in terms of basic humanity.

I ache when I know I've hurt someone's feelings. And I'll do whatever I can to make things right -- not least of all apologizing with all due sincerity! That's a huge change in my life from when I was a young man and enjoyed being belligerent, provocative, and combative. (Forgive me, I'm being too kind to me -- the truth is, I was a mean and hate-filled young man!) I'm paying for those harsh years by living now with a tender heart and ready tears for the pain of others. I like the change, though it's costly.

I don't think I've ever seen such hurt and harm as in the great LGBT debate. And, if you know me at all, you'll know my take on the "debate" and where my voice will be used! I'm very protective of the LGBT community and resent the pain endured through the hate and anger of those who speak and write what should never be spoken or written!

Where have all these dark conversations come from? And who decided that it's OK to be so overtly mean? Choices of words, tones of voices, themes and inferences so dastardly that I wish I could somehow block them from the viewing and hearing of every gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender person anywhere and everywhere!

The phrase I'm hearing more and more from those interested in the health and wellbeing of the gay world is, "Who even talks like that?!" I like the question because -- though rhetorical -- it's easily answered! People who spout such hatred and vitriol are ignorant, limited individuals who need to do some learning about the basic attributes of human decency!

To think that any good can come of spouting and spewing is pure folly.

The greatest concern I have globally is that the church would reclaim its voice for good -- for help, not harm. I pray the church becomes exemplary in living out grace and mercy. I plead with those called to love, to love -- and not selectively! I wish the use of voice and silence would be equally valued and both rightly used. I dare those who claim to be something good, holy, and pure would live it out through gentleness, kindness, and goodness.

None of that is too much to ask. In fact, it's pretty foundational.

Let's choose to do anything and everything we can to stop the hurt. Let's choose gentle, kind, and helpful words over the other options. Let's choose the high road even if others choose the low road. Let's choose quiet replies even when louder ones feel more appropriate. Let's not respond quickly and thoughtlessly when a little time to calm the conversation will bring about a much more productive result. Let's value each other as the unique and marvelous individuals we are!

Maybe that's too much to ask? Nah! We can do it...starting...NOW! :-)

Cheering you on as you cheer me on. Let's work together to bring loving kindness back into vogue. Love, Steve xo

...a gentle word can get through to the hard-headed. (Proverbs 25:15)

The best LGBT conversations include honesty, good manners, and common decency

A flat tire doesn't need much air to get a car back on the road; but you have to fix the leak, or it'll just keep deflating.

That's an illustration of how things seem to me in the ongoing onslaught against gay people: We keep filling up the tire (hoping things will get better for our LGBT friends), but there's a bad leak that goes un-repaired  (and we still seem to be losing ground)! Yes, there's some definite, real progress -- but it's too often baby steps when we should more rightly be making strides! (Sorry for the mixed metaphor of tires and strides!) And every time the LGBT community and their allies seem to have cause to smile, we're given yet another reason or two (or more!) to lose our joy! And that's very sad and hurtful and harmful to the cause of unity and mutual respect.

What's missing -- and would make all the difference -- is space to grow and learn.

It's like the game of Red rover we played as kids. We're calling each other to come over to our side, our way if thinking, but no one wants to! Funny thing in Red Rover is that there were never really any sides! When we were done with our kids' game, we'd all just collapse in one heap, laughing, smiling, reliving our silliness, glad that we were all friends together.

But hate is still doing its best work: dividing people from people, friends from friends. Where's the joy in that?

Where can people go to have a real conversation? Where can people go to honestly disagree? Where can people go to listen and be heard? Where can people go to be right or wrong? And where can we do all that without hate and anger and shouting and nastiness taking over? Where can we do that and find empathy and acceptance and good manners and common decency?

Honesty doesn't just happen; it needs a safe place to exist and grow, like a fragile orchid. It needs a safe place to be sensible or stupid. It needs a place to think out loud, measure the words, and mold them to new ways of thinking and acting. And then, most importantly, honesty needs a safe place to be corrected or helped or guided when correction, help, or guidance are needed. Without humiliation. Or embarrassment. Or cruelty. Or hate. Or harm. Or disrespect. Honesty happens when people know they're safe because it's understood that each person really does want what's best for everyone and every one.

Too many conversations of national and international importance to the LGBT community have become instant conflagrations, are routinely incendiary. (Fun using big words like that!) It's the atmosphere surrounding these conversations that makes them unhelpful -- when we desperately need helpful conversations!

I'm not sure what the best answer is, or,if there is an answer; I suppose it's different each time a conversation is raised. I'm just trying to figure out day by day how to use both my voice and my silence to best effect. But either way, I want what I do to be based on loving acceptance of people -- those I love and like, and those I continue to struggle to love and like!

Here's to renewed efforts to communicate well, love well, and create a safe environment where honest conversations can helpfully take place.

Hopeful...and wanting to be helpful! :-) Steve xo

Being LGBT isn't a passing fad!

I'm desperately hopeful that hate decreases and love increases in 2014...not least of all because 2013 wasn't a banner year in terms of loving kindness, if you ask me! I regret sometimes spending so much time reading about the hate the LGBT community has had to endure. It's as if some folks think that if there's more volume on the hate, it's going to somehow make "the gays" disappear. Whatever the thinking, let me share one vital, simple, plain thought on the subject:

Being LGBT isn't a passing fad!

"They" are not going away. And if haters changed their harsh and hateful ways, they might actually learn something better: That LGBT people aren't a thing to be bemoaned, they're people to be appreciated, respected, admired, and loved! That's why I have no trouble kindly and respectfully asking any hater of any kind of any people anywhere to do something better with their time and energy and voice in 2014:

Learn to love...please...!

I don't know if haters are New Years Resolution Makers, but that one would be a win for us all! There are lots of ways to make love happen; would any of these work for you?

-- Go somewhere you wouldn't normally go, and spend time with people you wouldn't normally spend time with -- i.e. gay bar/club, church, LGBT community resource center, Christian food pantry or homeless program...whatever...wherever!

-- While you're there, make a point of meeting someone -- by name -- in that group of people you've struggled with previously. Have a real conversation, meaning: Be honest about who you are; then honestly listen as they share who they are.

-- When you meet someone who's been harmed by "your kind," say you're sorry -- and mean it! And keep saying it until you're both convinced!

-- Remember, there's no such thing as a "simple" act of love or kindness! Hug, handshake, kiss, love in whatever way you can, as often as you can, to as many people as you can! Especially those with whom you were formerly uncomfortable.

-- Memorize this verse from the Bible (whether you like the Bible or not!): "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18 NIV) Then live it in thought, word, and deed! Do your part!

If all else fails, and 2014 doesn't move you from hate all the way to love, remember: Even if you can choose to hate less, that's progress! :-) My plan is to love more people more intentionally and more often throughout 2014 than I did in 2013! You?

Happy New Year...hope your 2014 is wonderful! Love and prayers to you and everyone you love and everyone you're learning to love! :-) Steve xo

Don't talk about me -- talk to me!

I've been forced to return over and over again to blogs and Tweets written about me (generically). The hurt has been immense, even heartbreaking and sleep-depriving. They drive me to dare to ask a favor of you -- if you don't like me or if you hate me for my labels:

Don't talk about me -- talk to me! And with me. Like having a conversation. And getting to know each other. And liking each other, or struggling to like each other. Or learning to be friends, or learning to respect and appreciate one another. Without hate. Or venom. Or vitriol. Or anger. There's just no need. We don't really even have to be fiends if that's asking too much -- but what a wonderful gift if we could be friends, though different!

It's OK to be you! And I hope you'll let me be me. Especially knowing that I'm trying my best to be my best. Trying really, really hard to be worth knowing. Knowing that I want to be kind and caring and friendly and accepting. Knowing that I don't have all the answers and am confused by the speed the world is turning these days and am trying desperately to understand things that I didn't get to learn growing up when and where I grew up.

I'm just a guy -- a guy trying desperately to be worthy of trust. I want you to know that your feelings matter to me, as well as your dreams and hopes and aspirations for your life! I want you to know lots of love and joy and smiles and laughter. I don't want you to be lonely or isolated or separated from the things and people you love!

You don't have to be like me; in fact, that would be awful! Life's best texture is found in our differences and uniquenesses. Be you! And I'll celebrate that with you! You're a treasure, a gift, a wonderful blessing to the world! I'm glad you're alive. I celebrate the day you were born. And I celebrate the person you are and the person you want to be and are becoming.

I'm growing and evolving. I don't recognize the me I am today compared with even 5 or 10 or 20 years ago. Definitely more loving and kind and considerate and caring. But still wanting to grow to be even more loving and kind and considerate and caring.

And when you and I grow to like and love each other, I hope you'll be as protective of me, and thoughtful of my deep, sincere feelings, as I am of you and yours.

If you're gay, please be a good gay person. If you're straight, please be a good straight person. If you're a Christian or person of whatever faith, be a worthy example of all that represents at its very best. If you're not a person of faith, be a person of goodness and kindness and all things admirable.

We really don't have to yell and sneer and jeer and be angry and hateful to each other. I know I'm not going to be. I like loving kindness and respect so much better! So, please...let's talk...xo :-)

 

The letters LGBTQQIA remind us that we're all unique and special!

The letters LGBTQQIA remind us that we're all unique and special!

Even though gray is my favorite color, I am not a fan of bland! Au contraire! I love the texture of life brought on by the amazing variety of people populating the planet you and I get to enjoy for a while.

It's also intriguing to see the amazing variety of hate populating the planet -- regrettable, potent, powerful, loud expressions of hate. Of all the human abilities, the ability to despise unique or different kinds of people isn't on my list of favorites! It's exhausting at times aching over what I read on Twitter, etc. or see on the news. But I get to choose my path -- the haters help me choose to be a lover! :-)

I'm privileged to hang out with a wide variety of people day by day: tall, short; fat, skinny; white, black; gay, straight; rich, poor; young, old; strong, weak; smily, frowny; kind, mean...the list could go on and on! No two people even vaguely alike...not even my twin nephews! :-) I'm helped and moved by being with people who are different from me -- they stretch my mind and heart, they test my theory about being able to love everyone, they make life interesting! (People who only spend time with their social doppelgängers must yawn a lot...)

At breakfast the other day I told a friend that I plan on dying when I'm 83 years old. (My funeral will be May 9, 2043, if you're not busy that day!) That means I have 34 years to go with you! I want to spend the rest of my life -- however many days, weeks, months, years I might actually get -- living and laughing and loving and enjoying! I don't want to spend more time than absolutely necessary hating or sneering or being grumpy or looking down on anyone! I want my head and heart to be stretched beyond my wildest imagination. I want to love more and learn more day by day. I want to continue growing in my ability to appreciate and respect the people -- all people, all kinds of people!

I'm growing. I'm not where I oughta be or even wanna be -- but God and I know far I've come! :-) I'm trying to learn the deeper art of empathy. I'm trying to dig deep into the pain of people to find the person hidden underneath! I don't want to give up on hard folks. I want to love and not just tolerate. I want to help bring hope and healing to the world by loving everyone I meet. Strangely, I really think it matters; I really think that choice makes a difference! Excited by the prospect...

Anyway. I'm droning! So there you have it...

I love you! Steve xoxo

p.s. Thanks for being YOU! :-)