Respite from the LGBT tussle

I've been in hiding. The battle got to be too strong for me. And I knew that if I wanted to be in this for the long-haul (which I do!), I'd have to pull back for a while, learn some lessons about the stewardship of my mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, then get back to work!

So, here I am.

My work? To speak, live, and love where love isn't found. To fight for those who are being bullied. To speak a word of justice where injustice is found. To decry the wrongs all around me. To take the beating for others who simply don't deserve it. I want to be a protector of people.

But all those things -- my big-dream aspirations -- are costly. They sap my energies and resources. And I need to have something to share in order to share!

And I was running on "empty" for too long and paid the price.


-- My feelings had been hurt.
-- My heart had become raw with ache.
-- I was exhausted from too many word battles.
-- The days were becoming darker than I could endure...
-- And the nights were becoming long and lonely.

My battle/my work/my purpose is to stand between. To hold hands with my LGBT sisters and brothers on one side and my LGBT-hating brothers and sisters (too often represented by "the church") on the other side and draw them together. To call them to speak and listen, to love and forgive, to help and heal, to wait and hope. To be a buffer to protect either "side" from the harm each side wanted to inflict. (Too much!)

We live in a fractured and fractious world. And I think people are tired of fighting over something that isn't a battle. They should be tired! Shouting and hating and anger and belligerence are exhausting...

I still believe -- no, that's wrong: I believe more than ever! -- that the onus is solidly on "the church" to knock it off! It's time for the church to be the church. To accept what the bible really has to say about how we live and love. To take Jesus' example as a man who lived to bring about real justice and to fight against expressions of real injustice. And to dare to speak words of love and to live a life of love -- though hard to do.

Looking into the eyes of too many gay friends, and listening to their pain-infused stories, reminds me that I have to do my part. We all do!

I have to be well to be useful. And I'm well. I'm ready. I'm on the job! And my focus on what I know to be right is going to be redoubled. But this time I'll use better sense about being strong and staying strong! I'll let my friends be my friends. I'll tell the truth about how hard it is sometimes to feel alone and lonely in what I want to do and be. And I'll remember that I'm not alone! We're in this thing together...right?

Love ya! :-) Steve xo