Amazing LGBT Moments

I love unexpected conversations that lead to a solid dose of health, healing, and wholeness. Just had one, and it feels good. It began with a Mom timorously asking how I thought gay people became gay. My take is that it's called birth!  It's simply part of who you are. This Mom suddenly breathed easy. She knew the conversation could have gone any which way. But, because we had shared a first unexpected laugh and smile together at a lunch event, she dared to trust me. Her son is gay. And she feels alone. She doesn't have people to easily talk to about what it means to her and how she worries for her son. We shared heart-to-heart and both went away loving and caring about each other. It was a beautiful experience.

Trust is an amazing gift. And a gift that's easily abused and broken.

I had a very different conversation with someone else recently. She's a hater. She likes to sneer at people. I couldn't tell you what she is "for," but I sure know what she's against: LGBT+ people. There wasn't an ounce of grace in anything she said -- only condemnation and belittling. She knows what she knows: that gay people are condemned and hopeless unless they choose to live the way she's decided they should live.

I want to be trustworthy. And sometimes that means not hiding from the haters. Not remaining silent. Not giving an air of it being OK to hate. Not walking away without answering. Even if sometimes it feels like an empty attempt at bringing sense to the lives of truly senseless people. Even if I end up looking like a fool to the hater and his/her fellow haters. Even if it costs me my comfort and reputation.

Have you ever met a Christian bully? Talk about a destructive force! They should be considered dangerous and treated accordingly -- with great care and concern. They should be watched. They should be held to account. And they should be prevented in any way possible from having anything to do with vulnerable people.

It helps to weigh things up like this: If they spoke or acted like that if they were 5 years old, would they end up on the naughty step? If the answer is Yes, then get them there (whatever the adult version of the naughty step is!) -- and quickly! Don't let the haters get away with it. Don't just let it go. Promise to stand up and be counted! (Trust me, I know how painful that can be -- and it's totally worth it!)

I dream of a world where needing to protect my gay friends is a silly notion of the past. I dream of a time when people love people for who they are, without spending time telling them what's wrong with them or who they should be. I dream of a world of inclusive love. I want to help get us there!

You, too? :-) xo

Is it safe to come out yet?

This is how it unfolded: Two female colleagues having a prolonged debate -- with me standing by confused why they wanted to speak to me but then wouldn't!

-- "Tell him!"
-- "I can't..."
-- "Yes, you can! Tell him!"

She eventually turned to face me. And it took another 20 minutes to splutter and hem and haw without ever actually telling me she's gay. But she said what needed to be said in order to open that window, and we understood. It was enough. And I found it immensely humbling. The three of us were moved by the simplicity of acceptance.

The same thing happened this time that seems to happen every time: tears. But these are the best kind of tears -- tears of joy! And lots of hugs and laughter that naturally come with such a huge sense of relief. I hate that the surprise of acceptance has to be part of these "coming out" conversations, but they are -- every time.

Every time someone comes out to me, I consider the place to be sacred ground. They're marking moments of trust that are impossible to take for granted. That kind of trust has to be dared. That kind of trust has to be earned. I'm desperate to be the kind of man who is "safe" for that kind of deep, sincere, real honesty from anyone!

It's not safe for too many people. We know that because stories of discarded friends and family members are still told. We know that because people still picket Pride events -- shouting hate, holding posters of condemnation. We know that because homelessness for LGBT-related reasons still happens -- in inordinately large numbers. I know that because all my gay friends tell stories of the hurt and rejection they've felt and experienced through the years from family, friends, clergy, strangers...

We all want to be loved -- I know I do! But it's such a fragile thing to be confident about. Do you love "me" or my labels or who you think I am or who you want me to be...? Our deep internal pleading is simply to be loved for who we are. These horrible questions so easily come to mind:

-- Would they still love me if they knew that...?
-- Will they still care if I...?
-- Will they pull me close and tight or shove me away if I...?

Oh, the sadness of the conversation that goes in the wrong direction -- as it so often does. Oh, the joy, love, and laughter when the conversation goes in the right direction -- as it should every time!

Is it safe to come out yet? I hope the answer where I'm concerned will always be an easy, painless "Yes!" I want to be a place of "sanctuary" for those who need to bare their soul and self. I want everyone to get to be who they are -- really.

To everyone who has entrusted your truth to my tender care: Thank you for an immensely beautiful gift! I'm honored and humbled...and I love you! Steve :-) xo