Is it safe to come out yet?

This is how it unfolded: Two female colleagues having a prolonged debate -- with me standing by confused why they wanted to speak to me but then wouldn't!

-- "Tell him!"
-- "I can't..."
-- "Yes, you can! Tell him!"

She eventually turned to face me. And it took another 20 minutes to splutter and hem and haw without ever actually telling me she's gay. But she said what needed to be said in order to open that window, and we understood. It was enough. And I found it immensely humbling. The three of us were moved by the simplicity of acceptance.

The same thing happened this time that seems to happen every time: tears. But these are the best kind of tears -- tears of joy! And lots of hugs and laughter that naturally come with such a huge sense of relief. I hate that the surprise of acceptance has to be part of these "coming out" conversations, but they are -- every time.

Every time someone comes out to me, I consider the place to be sacred ground. They're marking moments of trust that are impossible to take for granted. That kind of trust has to be dared. That kind of trust has to be earned. I'm desperate to be the kind of man who is "safe" for that kind of deep, sincere, real honesty from anyone!

It's not safe for too many people. We know that because stories of discarded friends and family members are still told. We know that because people still picket Pride events -- shouting hate, holding posters of condemnation. We know that because homelessness for LGBT-related reasons still happens -- in inordinately large numbers. I know that because all my gay friends tell stories of the hurt and rejection they've felt and experienced through the years from family, friends, clergy, strangers...

We all want to be loved -- I know I do! But it's such a fragile thing to be confident about. Do you love "me" or my labels or who you think I am or who you want me to be...? Our deep internal pleading is simply to be loved for who we are. These horrible questions so easily come to mind:

-- Would they still love me if they knew that...?
-- Will they still care if I...?
-- Will they pull me close and tight or shove me away if I...?

Oh, the sadness of the conversation that goes in the wrong direction -- as it so often does. Oh, the joy, love, and laughter when the conversation goes in the right direction -- as it should every time!

Is it safe to come out yet? I hope the answer where I'm concerned will always be an easy, painless "Yes!" I want to be a place of "sanctuary" for those who need to bare their soul and self. I want everyone to get to be who they are -- really.

To everyone who has entrusted your truth to my tender care: Thank you for an immensely beautiful gift! I'm honored and humbled...and I love you! Steve :-) xo